I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
