She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
