1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Duck Duck Cougar?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
