so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
