Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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