DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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