Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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