I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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