Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
