And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.