got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
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is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
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I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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