he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
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He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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