Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
