if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
