Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
