The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
