tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
