dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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