So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
