At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
