everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
