i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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