Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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