1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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