Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
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Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
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apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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