Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
