we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
