Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
