What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
