We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
