I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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