I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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