Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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