So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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