he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
