I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
