Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
