I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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