if i can run in heels then i can drive
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
