Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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