Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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