You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
