The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
dude. I can hear the air.
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