My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
