she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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