can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
