The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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