we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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