Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
