We're facebook friends in real life
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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