sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
