If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
