Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
