So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
