What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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