Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
