You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
