I hate your face
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
