I am puke
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
