I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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