A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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