I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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