I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
