I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
