if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
