I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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