i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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