i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
