I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
