I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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