My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
