he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's a Shit stain on my heart
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
