I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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