i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
